


Through Spyglass

by Emmuzka



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, Crack, Drama, M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmuzka/pseuds/Emmuzka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strike> Ryan Seachrest </strike> <strike> the Ghost of the Christmas Past </strike> a minion of Destiny shows Adam what would happen if he'd try to keep Sauli tied to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Spyglass

Adam lay on his white and impersonal hotel sheets, half-heartedly trying to catch sleep. Like in any other moment nowadays, his thoughts drifted to Sauli. Adam was so much in love that even a few days apart was too long, it felt like. And why should they keep apart? In London, Adam had been scheduled to work his ass off and nothing else, but he had been hit with such longing that he had just called Sauli and wheedled him to skip his family and make a short turn to UK instead. It had been wonderful, but now he was in Miami, and Sauli was in Hyvinkää, and there was the entire Atlantic Ocean between them.

Adam turned around again, not even trying to sleep now. How many days had they been apart now? Had Sauli had fun with Niko? What if he'd met some new guy in _Jenny Woo?_ What time it was in Finland, now?

Maybe Adam should just call him. They were boyfriends, they were allowed to call and bother each other whenever. Maybe he would ask Sauli to come here, too. Adam was sure that Sauli would come, if he would only ask nicely enough.

Then things went weird. Adam felt an unsettling discordant within his body, like his mind and his body wouldn't overlap in the same space fully. The feeling was scary and came with a rush.

When he finally got his head cleared again, the first thing he noticed was that he was standing, not laying down on a bed. He stood in a dark corridor of some undefined apartment. And next to him stood… Ryan Seachrest? _What the hell?_

"What the hell?"

Ryan Seachrest smiled him in a way that was probably meant to be assuring. "Hello. I'm your spirit guide. The Destiny decided that a minion should pay you a little visit, so here I am. In the form of..." Ryan Seachrest looked down to himself, "a small meticulously groomed man with a nice voice." Seachrest patted his body lightly. "I'll take it."

"Okay. So." Adam always said that he believed in destiny and karma, but it was a whole different thing to learn that there was an actual Destiny out there. Karma, too, probably. "So now what?"

"Now I'm going to guide you through an educational journey. You ready?"

Adam couldn't say if he was ready or not, but then he noticed that they weren't alone. There were sounds of a fight coming from the room nearby. Very familiar sounds... Adam stepped closer.

"I saw you with him! What, you gonna leave me for him?"

"Remember that they can't see or hear you. For them we don't exist!" Seachrest called behind him, but Adam's attention was already elsewhere.

"Stop it already, I said it was nothing. Nothing! I'm with you, remember? I'm not interested in anyone else!"

It was them! Him and Sauli! The amazement of seeing himself was dampened down by witnessing the couple, _himself and Sauli_ , in such a heated argument.

"Could've fooled me, with your tongue down his throat!" The other Adam sounded so mad that Adam couldn't even remember when he had been like that the last time. And for Sauli, he had never heard him like this before.

"Like I already said to you, it was a joke! It was for fun!"

"Well let it be the last time anyone does as much as touch you! I've had enough with your shit!"

"I'm not your fucking wife!"

"Could have fooled me!"

Sauli dropped his voice, but his lowered tone sounded even more menacing. "Adam, I'm this close to actually walking out of that door."

"You can't leave me!" Now the other Adam's voice was filled not only with anger, but with dare.

"Just watch me!" Sauli had the time to reach for the car keys thrown on the cupboard, and then the other Adam smacked him right to his face. With a yell, Sauli went down.

"Sauli!" Both Adams yelled at the same time. The other Adam went down on the floor while Adam was left reaching for them, and _through_ them in his attempt to intervene.

Adam watched helplessly while the other Adam helped Sauli up, apologies streaming from his mouth. Sauli seemed dazed and he let Adam help him up and to the living room sofa.

"Fuck! Fuck! What happened?!"

Seachrest sounded way too calm to have witnessed the same event as Adam had. "You were drunk, angry and scared, and when he said he was going to leave you, you hit him."

"I'll... I'll do that? I have done that before?"

"No. This was the first time. This time Sauli forgave you. You promised to get counseling, but you never did."

"This doesn't end well, does it?"

"It depends on how you define _well_."

"Seachrest!"

"Okay, okay. Sauli stays with you still six months more, then you'll break his arm and he is gone. You'll never be alone in the same room again."

Adam raked his hands through his hair, trying to make sense of it all. "I'll end up as an abusive boyfriend? I'll break his arm?"

"It's not set that you will, but you could. There is a point in showing you all of this. You want to see more?"

Adam really didn't, but it wasn't up to him. He felt the same discordance again and the scene around them vanished.

***

The next Adam found himself in a new apartment. Seachrest, the evil bastard, was again shadowing him. "Remember, Adam, that this is a whole other future. The one we visited before hasn't happened here."

Adam saw Sauli sitting in a nice, roomy kitchen. Sauli was alone, drinking a vodka cocktail. Made of... Solely of vodka. Huh. That was one stiff drink Sauli was having.

A ringing cell startled both Adam and Sauli. Adam couldn't help but to eavesdrop Sauli's side of the conversation.

"Hey, honey." Despite the endearment, Sauli didn't sound happy. He sounded weary and maybe a bit nervous. "You coming home?" Adam watched when Sauli poured himself another huge shot. "You'll bring your friends? I don't know..." Adam almost held his breath, trying to imagine the other end of the conversation. "Okay... I might be asleep when you come, though. Yeah, I'm already in bed."

 _No he wasn't. Liar,_ Adam wanted to say, but it was not like Sauli would have heard him. "Yeah, yeah. I love you too." That came out almost a whisper. "Bye."

"Well, that wasn't very nice." Adam just couldn't help commenting, even when the Seachrest entity was his only audience. Maybe in this scenario, Sauli would be the bad guy. Adam almost wanted himself to be hurt. He... No, the other Adam would deserve it.

Sauli slowly rose from the table with uncertain steps and plodded upstairs. Seachrest gestured Adam to follow, so he did. Sauli continued to the bathroom adjacent to the master bedroom and reached to the top shelf, behind the numerous bottles of vitamins and other remedies. Adam witnessed, in wonder, when Sauli shook two pills to his hand and swallowed them dry. Adam knew that drug. It was for anxiety, and not meant to be taken before going to bed. Definitely not meant to be taken after a heavy load of alcohol, either.

Sauli stood, leaning to the counter and watching himself in the mirror. Waiting. Adam could see the fast effect that the drug had on Sauli. Sauli did, too, as he nodded to his image and continued to bed.

"How much he took, Seachrest? How dangerous is it?" Then it hit him and Adam almost panicked. "He isn't going to die, is he? Say that he isn't going to die!"

"No, no. That was totally normal for him. Just regular stuff."

That calmed Adam down some. "What is this _Valley of the Dolls_ shit, anyway? How did we end up like this? This isn't like Sauli!"

"It wasn't, in the beginning. You were so proud of him, you wanted everyone to see you two. So you asked him to follow you to the events and almost everywhere, and media ate it like candy."

"That doesn't sound so bad..."

"But it wasn't good for Sauli. Soon he wasn't left alone where ever he went. He started to get panic attacks again, and wanted to stay home and out of the limelight. He didn't want to leave you, he just wanted a break. But still you continued to ask, and he continued to follow, but this time aided by medication."

"Oh no..." Adam didn't like the course this story was heading.

"Now he is so scared that he hardly even leaves the house without you anymore. He uses his prescription meds like they would be his only relief. He is so isolated."

"But... Why didn't I help? Or call for help? His family, even?"

"You hardly even see his problems. You like taking care of him."

Adam admitted that it was true. "And for him to rely on me."

"On everything."

"Wow, I'm such a clueless, self-important asshole."

Seachrest looked at him with something akin to sympathy. "No, not really. Just blind. Just in denial."

Adam peered at sleeping Sauli again. "So in a way, he did leave me." After this revelation, Adam really wanted something to happen. It didn't. "Now what? Did this _Ghost of the future past_ thing work? Do we avoid this now that I see where it can lead to?"

"Now," Seachrest announced, "you'll get to see one more."

***

This time Adam and Seachrest arrived to see Sauli standing in front of a small, rundown house. But what caught Adam's eye immediately was that Sauli was holding hands with a small, sullen, kindergarten age boy. The ginger haired boy carried such a strong resemblance to Adam himself that the blood tie was obvious.

Adam grinned in wonder. "Wow. That's our son? That's our son!"

There they stood, Adam still in awe, when a black, sleek car drove to the waiting couple.

Sauli crouched to the little boy's eye level and hugged him tight. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

The boy had none of it. "When, daddy?"

Sauli kept smiling, stressed but not willing to show it to the boy. "Soon, I promise. You'll be a good boy now."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" The boy bit his lip.

"Not tomorrow. Soon."

"When, then?" The boy kept asking, as he could change Sauli's answer with his begging.

"I can't say when, it's not for me to decide. But it's okay, honey. You got to go, honey."

The boy looked like he would have wanted to keep arguing, but then just kept silent. Sauli's eyes were shining. To Adam it looked like he was doing his best to keep a calm front for his son's sake.

Sauli went to open the backdoor of the car and helped the boy into the car seat. The driver was in a some kind of uniform, he looked like a person who you could rent with the car.

"Okay, bye! See you soon!" Sauli kissed the boy's cheek and shut the door. He waved to the receding car, and Adam saw the little face plastered to the window.

Sauli was left in the driveway, furiously scrubbing his face to banish the wetness on his face.

"Sauli-!" Adam wanted to comfort the other man, and yet again he had forgotten that he was a ghost in this world. Helplessly he watched as the smaller man walked back to the house, shoulders slumped.

"Shit! What happened? Why can't Sauli be with him?"

"Because he isn't a legal parent, and you don't let him."

"What? Why not?" Adam didn't understand.

"You wanted to have a kid. You even talked him over to having one. But it was very important to you that the kid would be your biological child."

Adam felt horrible. "And I thought... I thought that if the kid would be legally mine, Sauli could never leave me." Adam knew himself, as hard as it was to face it.

Seachrest sighed. "And still he did, and you got so mad. Sauli had been your child's primary parent since he was born, and when you divorced, you demanded the full custody, just to punish him. Though you never went to court because Sauli hadn't been a legal parent in the first place."

Adam was so angry to himself that he could hardly speak. "Why would I do that? At least I still let Sauli see him!"

"Yes, every now and then. You never hold a set schedule, you cancel their dates without warning, you give him to Sauli's care in a moment's notice when you are fed up with your son's behavior... Basically you still have Sauli hanging into your every move, even after your divorce."

Now it was Adam who had to dry his eyes. "Just like I wanted."

Adam turned to face Seachrest. "But this is yet to happen. It doesn't have to happen. Please, let me fix this."

Seachrest looked back at him, challenging.

"I've learned my lesson, or whatever this was! I'll give Sauli his freedom, I won't let my insecurities eat away my trust on him, I won't let my love to be the excuse for trying to shackle him to me. Please!"

The entity looking like Seachrest now changed his stance, looking like he would have made a decision. "Okay."

"Okay? Like, _okay_ okay?" Could Adam dare to hope?

"Yes."

***

And then Adam found himself back in his hotel room, physically flinching himself awake. Awake? Had it been a dream? No, it hadn't. Thinking like that would only be a coward's way out of his lesson.

Adam fumbled for his mobile phone. It was still the same night, only a moment later from what he remembered.

There were no missed calls, or text messages. Adam quickly typed in a message. _Going to sleep now. Have fun! Love you <3_

He could do this. He could totally, totally do this.

End.


End file.
